one two three fourrrrnication!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
