I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
