I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
