I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
