Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
