Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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