I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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