you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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