the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like, not good at living.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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