like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
