As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
