I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
