Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
