the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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