how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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