3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
