I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You can't special order awesome
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
