i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
