If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
