my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
