So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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