No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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