I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
