I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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