Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
