I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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