At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
