you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
