god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
