Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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