Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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