I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
is that a dick in a sweater?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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