And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
