Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
