My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
