why didn't you poke me back
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
