There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
