Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Of course I have a pirate flag
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
