Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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