My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
