I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
