The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
