So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
