Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
