He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
