I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
