You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
