I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just had sex bonerless
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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