The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Holy sore nipples Batman
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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