best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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