i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
